February 2012
31 posts
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Dan: I didn't break your Playstation.
Me: You left it idling on the Netflix menu all night, burning out the GPU.
Dan: One time!
Me: Seven times! I wouldn't have counted but I would get up in the morning and the Netflix menu would be the only thing illuminating the dark of our apartment.
Dan: Don't those systems turn themselves off after being inactive?
Me: No, of course they don't.
Dan: Well they should, but I wouldn't make that mistake again.
Me: Notice how my Wii is still turned on from when you were watching Netflix last night?
Dan: GODDAMMIT!
Me: This is why we can't have nice things.
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NYC Food Staples That I Wish I Could Import to... →
thetangentialruinsminneapolis:
Oh, you know that cute little tub of cream cheese you buy at the store? That’s the amount we put on ONE of our bagels.
Where the HELL are all the Jewish delis? I want to walk into a dimly lit deli and order a sandwich with so much meat on it, I can’t possibly fit both top and bottom…
Yes, Anna. All of this.
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A typical Spotify commercial comes on at work:
P: God, I hate Spotify Woman's voice.
A: She's such a whore.
I definitely guffawed at this.
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There was an ad on the R train this morning proudly proclaiming FiberOne bars as the official snack of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. This cacophony of corporate synergy caused my brain to temporarily shut down. When thought processes finally started firing again, this is pretty much the conversation I had with myself walking to work:
“So… fiber makes you poop. And pooping makes...
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Me: No wonder "Young Justice" is so good. It's by the same showrunner as "Gargoyles" and "The Spectacular Spider-Man."
Dan: Be the only person ever to write a fan letter to the showrunner from "Gargoyles"!!!!!!!!
Me: Is that sarcasm? They have a Gargoyles fan convention every year.
Dan: Really? Woahhhh
Me: I went in 2003
Dan: HAHAHAHAH how was it?
Me: Like a comic convention, only everybody was dressed as/talking about characters from the Disney cartoon "Gargoyles"
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D: How cute was Friday's episode of "Fringe"?
A: Oh, SO cute!
D: I luff Astrid. I just want to cuddle her.
A: A friend of mine actually know Jasika, I think...
D: Can I date her?
A: I think she might be into girls...
D: Can I still cuddle her?
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How they name Pokémon
Guy 1: It's part pigeon, part dove.
Guy 2: That's absolutely inconceivable! The kids will flip out when they see it!
Guy 1: I know, we're geniuses. Now, what do we call this winged monstrosity?
Guy 2: "Doveon"?
Guy 1: Sounds more like a mix of "dungeon" and "dutch oven".
Guy 2: Hey, now that would be a great monster!
Guy 1: Save it for the next game. Back to our horrible pigeon dove catastrophe...
Guy 2: "Pidove"?
Guy 1: GENIUS! We'll both be rich off of this!
The two later died from papercut-related injuries after rolling around naked in their cold hard cash monies. They never once stopped laughing.
January 2012
30 posts
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That moment when your ex starts following you on Twitter and you suddenly realize that, at some point in the past, your ex had stopped following you on Twitter.
Venting about book delays...
Me: we don't make books anymore. we sell tipsheets. here's the idea of a book. let your imaginations take over, kids!
Me: there's an untapped market. make a book with a series of spreads of potential book covers, titles, and general locations/character descriptions.
Me: for every spread, kids and parents can come up with their own stories. it's perfect for bedtime!
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Social networking at a Bushwick bar
Evan: So, Brian tells me you know my sister?
Raina: Yes, she's given me many an orgasm.
punchline — his sister runs a sex toy shop.
names changed to protect whatever. also, I'd only just met these people and was already two cocktails deep when this exchange occurred.
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Me: Fucking Game Boys, how do they work?
Josh: THEY DON'T.
The most talented AD at Businessweek?
bizweekgraphics:
Our printer. It had some sort of aneurysm before a walkthrough, and these happened.
See the whole set here, but don’t look too close. It’s not a magic eye.
If my printer had screwed up like this back in art school, I probably would’ve been published and praised as a retro nihilist visionary.
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Watchkayzio:
HELP
I would’ve given him all ten of my votes every week and pre-ordered his album on iTunes. I would’ve dyed and cut my hair to match his and incorporated his catchphrase into my daily conversations. I would’ve started a GeoCities fan page.
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